Doing Hard Things

When it comes to doing hard things, I'm a wimp.

Recently, I was invited to participate in a church mission project for homeless people. My first response was "no way." I'm the kind of person who would rather support from afar. This is a quality I am not very proud of, but it is the truth. It is much easier to donate things like ketchup, collect canned goods or give away blankets. But to actually look people in the eye as you hand them a meal is very different.

So when this project kept coming up over and over, I knew I needed to "man up." This was not a smiley decision, this was a "do it scared" sort of time.

We pulled up on the designated spot to see hundreds of homeless people gathered in anticipation of a picnic meal. To say I was terrified to even get out of car was an understatement. My wimp self wanted to drive away. But luckily my brave self prevailed as my son and I made our way to the picnic.

I'm so glad we didn't miss it. We spent the afternoon talking to all sorts of people -- people just like me, but who had fallen to difficult circumstances. People that were drug addicts, jobless, broken, unable to return to their home countries. I practiced my elementary Spanish with those that didn't speak English. I introduced men with tatooos and piercings all over their face to my son. We even sang songs with those that felt like singing. It was a total grab bag of experiences.

After that day, I felt emotionally raw. The most surprising thing was that people just wanted to tell me their story. I wasn't there to change them, to do anything but to listen, be a friend, give a meal. Most were grateful for someone who would simply hear them, to matter in this world. In that, I am no different.They may sleep in a different place and have dark experiences to tell. But we all long for the same thing -- to be significant in this life.

If you want to find out more about serving the homeless population, visit www.lovewins.info.

Or for a really powerful article about "What it means to be homeless" -- check this out:

http://lovewins.info/2008/10/what-being-homeless-means/.

Save Me Emily Post

Teaching my son manners has made me a mom vigilante.

Like a sniper stakeout, I am constantly surveying the landscape and pouncing on any opportunity to remind and practice manners. I sit at the dinner table and wait, ready with the "where does your napkin go?" or the classic "what do you do with your dish?" and the kicker "did you ask to be excused?"

Obnoxious, I know. But how else do the kids learn the stuff but in the heat of the moment? I've decided that with enough practice, it will come natural. But it hasn't yet. Maybe it's me or maybe I'm doing it wrong.

Everyone else's kids appear to "yes, ma'am" me with no problem. Other people's children show gratitude without the whiny prompting I give to the tone "now what do you say?" Gosh, I hate that. Maybe it's just the fact that I have a boy and the Y chromosome doesn't think like that.

Lately I have made it my mission. I'm reading "365 Manners Kids Should Know" by Sheryl Eberly -- Nancy Reagan's etiquette guru. It reads like a daily devotion with today's entry of "how to eat tacos." Not exactly what I was after, but always helpful to know how to manage those pesky things. I figure if Nancy's go-to gal says it, I probably need to work on it. At least it will mix up my vigilante style.

I read in the book that Ms. Eberly told her children they would never be invited to the White House if they had bad manners. I like that. In fact, after today my son will be ready to eat tacos with Mr. President.

PS. If you have any good tips about teaching kids manners, please share! I'd love to hear your ideas...

The Thomas Jefferson Style Summer

“What are you doing this summer?” is one of my favorite questions to ask.

I love living vicariously through other people’s cool plans of trips to the beach, mountain visits, fun excursions and neat-o camps. The best answer I have heard comes from a fellow homeschooling buddy who said “I’m having a Thomas Jefferson style summer.”

Now every one knows Thomas Jefferson. Most know him as the third president of the United States, author of most of the Declaration of Independence and a founding father of our country. But I don’t really think of him much when I’m making summer plans.

She explained that a Thomas Jefferson style summer for her family meant they were “reading as many great classics as we can get our hands on.”

You see, back in the olden days, that was how the leaders of our country got their education. They had a mentor and read every great book, discussed it, debated it and sometimes even memorized it. This was the style of thinking that shaped our country by forming critical minds, able to discuss, analyze and defend great works.

Wow. I was planning just to hang out at the pool. Now I have to go check out War and Peace from the library and actually read it with my son.

Well, maybe not. Even though I may not spend my summer lost in Shakespeare and Tolstoy, she makes a great point. Summer might be the very best time to read something amazing and talk about it as a family. Not to be busy every moment, but to spend time turning the pages together. Even though my son is old enough to read on his own, there is still something magical about reading a great book and experiencing it together.

Here’s a beautiful book to try -- check out the illustrated classic “Wind in the Willows” with the amazing art and charming story. Even though it was written in the early 1900s, the tale remains captivating. My video-game-obsessed, sports-all-the-time, 9 year old son loved this sweet tale of adventures in English countryside. And I bet you will too.

Hope you will enjoy some "TJ time" this summer with your family.

School's Out Blues

School is almost over and it's making me a little weepy.

Sad not for the reasons you might think though. I get nostalgic this time of year because the truth is real: my child is growing up. In my head, I start to count how many summers left until college and then it's Kleenex city.

I know, I know – growing up is part of the journey. But for me, this has been truly an amazing school year and I’m not ready for it to be over. As our first year of homeschooling ends, I am in awe of all that we endured and experienced. Just like Dicken’s great novel “Tale of Two Cities" begins "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom.”

Yes it’s true, homeschooling is not all sunshine and roses. There were the complete meltdown days where absolutely nothing worked and we were both crying – and it was only 9 a.m. Then there were the wonder days where we spent hours in museums or gardens, having the whole place to ourselves on a Monday. The freedom of a learning ecosystem at our own pace instead of a 9-3 p.m. timeslot was pretty darn cool.

The most surprising gift of all was a newfound connection with my son that I had never thought possible. Yes, I knew my son and all of his likes and dislikes before. But now, I feel like I know him in a much deeper way that I could not have appreciated without our daily toils. He literally goes everywhere and does everything with me. I’m proud to say that he even put up with hours of prom dress shopping with me and my niece --- simply because that was the task of the day. And he was okay with it.

As this year winds down, I look over the many joys, failures, successes and wonders and it makes me smile. Like finding a dollar in your pocket, I feel lucky to have stolen these days away from what the world thinks I should be doing. I know that more than money, these precious days will become my proudest moments as a parent.

Now before you think that I’m the sort that says “everyone needs to homeschool” – please don’t. Homeschooling is not for the faint at heart. It is definitely the road less travelled. However, come June, every parent in some way becomes a homeschool parent. It’s simply how you look at it. I hope your summer will be filled with the wonder of knowing your family in a deeper way. It’s the most important work we have as parents. And the hardest.

Going Amish

I’m going Amish on Monday.

With National “Unplug Your TV” Week running from April 18-24, I’ve decided that we are going to pull the plug and see what happens. Or in my terms “Go Amish.”

I can say the Amish thing with good faith, as I grew up in a small Michigan town that had quite a large population. Luckily, no TV week is about as close as I will come to becoming Amish, other than wearing black and white a lot and baking my own bread.

It’s not that I think TV is evil or the demise of our civilization (although it could be). It’s more about the fact that I find it a bit embarrassing how much TV our family watches. Even more ridiculous is how much we watch in separate rooms.

I read something recently that said, “if you complain about not having enough time to do something, stop watching TV and now you have no excuses.” More than reclaiming my time, I want to reclaim my family’s attention. I want to spend evenings in leisurely conversation, to be able to look into each other’s faces, without the distraction of a screen, the noise of the Weather Channel or trying to cram a meaningful thought in between commercial breaks.

In my loftiest thought, I want to know deeply what’s on everyone’s hearts and how life’s going in their spirit. I’m sure that is a big goal and probably not accomplished in one week. But it’s a start. Maybe we’ll have great discussions, maybe we won’t. Perhaps we’ll simply watch one TV, but at least we'll be together.

Join me by hiding your remote control and flipping the breaker switch on your TV too. To find out more, visit http://unplugyourkids.com/turnoff-week/.

Also, if you want to be really scared about how much TV we watch, check out this video: http://www.mediaed.org/wp/mef-supports-screen-free-week.

Real Windows to the World

“Birds are awesome,” according to my 9 year-old son.

Lately we have become amateur ornithologists – or people that study birds. There is something wonderful about bird watching. It started off simple in our family. I thought it would be fun to fill a feeder and see what happened.

Once we started getting a few visitors, it was easy to become greedy and want more. We then added suet cakes – a square of bird food that you hang like a popsicle in a tree. Next we wanted to find fancier bird food to see if we could get more exotic and varied guests. Then we got really crazy and got a bird identification card, a bird call book and spending more and more time discussing what we saw each day.

What I love about bird watching is that it slows me down. As I pass by the window that looks over the feeder, I can’t help but stop and see who is visiting. Usually there are Chick-a-dees, Grey Tufted Titmouses, a red Cardinal – but sometimes golden and red-breasted Finches and on the very special days, a Woodpecker.

One day, I was watching from the kitchen and discovered a brilliant red-bellied woodpecker visiting our feeder. It was a cold and gray day, but his tuxedo speckled jacket, white breast and dashing red head were stunning. It took my breath away and I uttered “awesome” out loud. Upstairs my son was watching too and heard me and answered, “I know mom, it is awesome.”

In our go-go, zoom-zoom media-rich life, it was such a refreshing moment to know that there is still wonder in the world. To remember beyond life in the tiny screens, we can still be captivated by the simplicity of nature outside. We can still treasure the real windows to our world.

A Spring Haiku

If your life were a Haiku poem, what would it be?

You may remember that Haiku is a Japanese style poem that has 3 lines and the rhythm of 5 syllables, 7 syllables and then 5 again. For a person that loves to write long, flowery sentences, Haiku feels like the equivalent of naked writing.

What's cool about Haiku is how much you can say in a tiny bit of writing. It usually gives you a sensory surprise and a sweet picture of an experience -- like turning the corner and pow!

My writing life has been "dry" lately --- so the idea of Haiku has been a fun inspiration. You know those dehydrated sponges in a flat shape -- that is me. Too many projects, too little inspiration makes a dusty, uninspired writing world.

But back to the Haiku. My friend recently encouraged me that "some is better than none" -- so to get my writing back on track, I decided doing a little is where to start. So in honor of the season of spring, which offers the hope of lovely summer, I start with my "spring haiku."

Gray spring morning

Birds don't notice dreary

Song everywhere.